Lent Day 26: Life-Giving Friends

This morning, I remembered to call up one of my best friends, W, whom I also consider a mentor, on the way back from dropping my daughter at school. We had not spoken in weeks, and I wondered why, even though I know that’s how we tend to roll. Sometimes we speak frequently over a short period of time, then we go weeks and months without hearing each other’s voice. The illusion of staying in touch through social media post boards certainly contributes to those long absences.

She picked up my call with a sleepy voice, apparently having slept in because she had the day off. When I realized it was her day off, I decided to just check in with  pleasantries and let her go back to bed quickly. We ended up speaking for one and a half hours. As I got out of my car, I felt a spring in my step, a lightness in my heart and fresh nuggets of practical wisdom based on discernment dancing around my head.

This was not new, almost every conversation I have with W ends with me learning something new, about myself or my loved ones, about her life, about life in general or about applications of God’s Truth in life. This despite the fact that I have known her for almost 20 years. There is always something new to learn. When I mention this to her, as I tend to from time to time, she assures me that it is a mutual thing, that she has also picked up a lot from me and been ministered to by my words. I usually find that hard to believe. But then, it might just be so, as another precious sister-friend of mine, Y, likes to say, As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another….(Prov:27;17)

Life-giving friends. Friends that inject something new into your life; that help you put things in perspective; that influence you for the better and root for you through thick and thin. Friends that make you laugh and lift your spirits up. Friends that make you think again and slow down when life is going too fast around you. They are not perfect and do not expect you to be perfect. Because they are deeply aware of their own short-comings, God is able to use them to gently point out to you where you have or are taking a wrong turn. They are precious blessings.

At the opposite end of the spectrum are the friends that exhaust you and sap the energy out of you for reasons that vary depending on your personality and temperament. Life-sucking friends. Every interaction you have with them leaves you feeling mentally and emotionally drained. Here, the follower of Christ has to strike a balance, while asking the Holy Spirit for guidance. One option would be setting boundaries and red lines beyond which one will not allow oneself to be drained into paralysis; the other option would be to consider that this life-sucking friend/associate/relative could be a thorn in the flesh permitted by God for a higher purpose, a la Saint Paul, for which His answer to one’s cries of exhaustion would be – my grace is sufficient for you, my strength is made perfect in your weakness….

I consider myself truly blessed and lucky to have other sister-friends like W around the country, and around the world. I won’t mention their names but they know themselves because I am constantly letting them know how they make me a better person just for being affiliated with them. I would be remiss if I failed to mention my own biological sister-friends, each being a blessing and inspiration to me in their own peculiar and distinct way.

In counting these rich blessings, I have also discerned that I am equally called to be a life-giving friend to other people in my wider social circle and others in my extended family. This is what I was alluding to in the piece I wrote on my evolution of peace (Lent Day 24: Peace, Precious Peace – My Evolution.) I do not know who  God wants to use me to build up or where He wants to use me. Building a wall around my emotions for fear of being hurt or taken advantage of will make me useless for that role. So, I continue to try to be open  and charitable to all, only with the help of God’s Spirit.

As we seek out and appreciate our Life-Giving Friends , may we also surrender ourselves  to be used as blessings in the life of whomsoever God wants us to bless, even when we do not have a natural affinity for them. May we all learn to submit to the plans of The Ultimate Master Planner in our relationships and associations. Amen.

Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter:whoever finds one has found a treasure. Faithful friends are beyond price; no amount can balance their worth. Faithful friends are life-saving medicine; and those who fear the Lord will find them. Those who fear the Lord direct their friendship aright, for as they are, so are their neighbors also. Sirach 6:14-17

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