Peace, Precious Peace

About twenty years ago, I was having an ongoing verbal altercation with a family member that included a series of long-distance calls that left me emotionally worn out after each call. This was happening during a period when I was also having a rough time at work. I would sometimes cry my eyes out after those calls. I was simply exhausted. I mentioned this trend to a friend who was not really a person of faith. My friend advised me to hang up the phone on said caller the next time the conversation got that stressful. I could always give an excuse later that the conversation got cut off because the connection was faulty.

So I tried it out during my next telephone call with this family member, adding a little bit of drama for good effect. As the conversation took a predictable unpleasant turn, I went: “Hello! Hello!! Heellloooo!!! Oh no, this connection is so bad”, raising my voice with every word coming out of my mouth hurriedly. “Heelloooo?? Oh no”…..bang. I cut the call off.

I had headed off an unpleasant discussion, but oddly enough, I did not feel any better than if I had let the conversation follow its usual course. I have a lot of faults but being rude is not one of them. I made up my mind that I would just not pick up the phone if the Caller ID displayed an international or ‘unknown’ number. I would then decide if I was in a frame of mind to return the call after listening to any voicemail left for me.

This was the first time in my adult life that I had taken a deliberate action to keep my mind at peace. I felt empowered and it felt good! I also slept better. I would no longer just go with the flow if my peace of mind was going to be disturbed, I reckoned. A few months after I made this decision, I came across a scriptural verse that connected with me. ‘Seek peace, and pursue it.’ (Ps. 34:14). I initially understood it in terms of how I related to others. I figured it meant to strive to be at peace with those around me, to seek peace and run after it.

I dwelt further on it. Why should I always pursue (run after) peace? One thing I was sure of even then: when my mind was at peace, I was more reasonable, more productive and more able to withstand provocation. Fast forward to many years on and I have grown in my understanding of this subject. I have now learnt to consider peace as my most precious gift, next only to my faith.

One of the reasons it has assumed this dimension in my life is because of my deeper understanding about its source, Christ Himself. ‘Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid’. (Jn.14:27). Words from The Last Discourse of Jesus with his disciples during the Passover celebration. Peace as a gift from Christ is a precious commodity, it is His own peace. It is  a confident peace with all the power of Christ behind it. (As opposed to a worldly peace which depends on the individual’s circumstances and is therefore fragile and subject to every tiny whim and environmental upheaval).

This confident peace is the first thing the devil needs to dismantle in my mind in order to get a chance to wreak havoc. Having come to that realization, I now guard it very jealously. This means that I speak and act with a view to what effect my words and actions will have on my state of mind. Conversely, I rationalize the words and actions of others towards me with my peace of mind in view; I am able to shrug off a lot of stuff. Now, this can come across as sounding, well, selfish. Indeed, it can be a selfish posture but only if it is not under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. As I grow in my faith and my will conforms to God’s, most of what disturbs my peace of mind is also against what God wants.

On a practical level, this means that when I feel like extending an argument (and the ensuing silent treatment) with my husband over a few days, I am not able to because my mind is not at peace. So I seek peace and pursue it, even if I don’t feel like or even if I am the wronged party. It’s just not worth losing sleep over and it can become a backdoor for the devil to come in and magnify the wrong done. I have come to see myself in a constant, running battle with the devil for my peace of mind.

This also means recognizing that while I am called to love everybody, there are certain people that I allow to draw close to my heart and others that I give a distant love because their words and  habitual actions disturb my peace of mind.  I keep in mind the notion that the devil does not descend with horns blazing to take away my peace, he uses people and situations that can be manipulated to achieve his goal. However, I try to pray my way through this (and pray for them) to make sure I am not discriminating in any way. To ensure I do not shirk from my Christian responsibilities to them, I often go overboard to be kind to them and to be there for them as needed.

All in all, I just want to protect my precious God-given peace of mind and sanity at all cost. Have I made mistakes in my decisions and interactions with others based on this ‘peace at any cost’ principle? Absolutely!! I would not be human if I had no regrets on this stance. I remain under the training of the Holy Spirit as I learn to protect and enjoy my precious gift of peace. Marching onwards as always!!

Let us always elevate and prioritize this gift of Godly Peace in our lives and do all we can to keep it intact. ‘Then the Peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.’ Phil 4:7

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